Last night we were summoned to the school of our youngest, Diane, as she is known and is willing to be written about as such.
My girlfriend Angella, (yes, we’re all coming out today) was rather worried that the reason our presence was requested was something to do with Dianes’ conduct and that she was about to be drummed out of the regiment.
Diane goes to one of the better schools in Cambridge and so, it was with some trepidation that myself and Angella presented ourselves at reception to meet the Head of Year and Head of Senior School.
It took me back to my own school days and the feeling of utter fear waiting outside the Headmasters office to receive six of the best, this in the days when even the prefects were allowed to wallop the boys. Oh happy days!
Before going into the meeting it dawned on us that Diane had recently mislaid her lab coat and had received a reprimand for doing so, but we decided this was far too trivial to be calling us for a special meeting.
However I did point out that if this were the case I would be extremely annoyed and felt we should teach them a lesson by giving them a good beating, as I was sure we could take them.
I suggested that if I were to slam the Head of Years face through the glass table. Angella could pounce on the Head of Senior School who would be, by now in a state of considerable shock. The element of surprise I felt would give us the upper hand and we would soon have given them a good pasting.
As it turned out this course of action was unnecessary as all they wanted to discuss was the fact that Diane kept forgetting to hand in her homework.
Having spent a pleasant half hour chatting with these rather lovely people we left with a cunning plan to text Diane every morning to remind her to hand in her homework.
It all worked out rather well really, although I still think we could have taken them had it come to blows as, I am a fit, healthy, ruddy faced countryman.