Commis chef.

My wife has just asked what we would like for supper and both myself and our daughter decided that pasta was indeed the choice of both of us which seemed at the time to be a simple decision as to what to eat, but no.

Some time later my presence in the kitchen was requested where I was told we were having for tonight’s repast, meatloaf and my assistance was required to act as her commis chef.

I think I’m what you might call a lazy eater in as much that I’d rather starve to death than have any input with regard to cooking and am quite able to sustain myself with biscuits, battenburg cake, the odd banana or peach yogurt if fruit is required in my diet and of course copious quantities of lager to quench my thirst of an evening.

My kitchen skills are best described as non existent and I’m quite happy for them to remain at that standard especially as my wife is a very talented chef  but I was asked if I could put some stale bread in the wizzy machine and make breadcrumbs.

I suspect I’m not the only man who feigns complete incompetence in an effort to be relieved of certain duties especially with regard to the kitchen but as I’d managed to produce the breadcrumbs and was on somewhat of a high I thought I’d risk grating the cheese for the cauliflower cheese.

Overcome with success I thought I would leave whilst I was on a winning streak and came to my desk to regale the story on this blog having picked up a can of lager on the way.

Having started on a food related item I thought I would continue in the same vein with the tale of the lonesome pheasant, a bird who has appeared in our garden at this time of year for the past three years.

Now I know absolutely nothing of the life of pheasants except even I as a townie know they are bred to be shot and eaten which seems a bit if a shame as they are quite a pleasant looking bird with a degree of style about their demeanour although my wife who has considerably more experience of country ways expressed the opinion that they look better in a cooking pot.

Personally I have always regarded the fauna that lives in the woods and our garden as decorative, both the fluffy bunny rabbits and the pheasants and the like.

Having done some research into pheasants it seems they can be shot between 1st October and 1st February in England, Wales and Scotland so I imagine that if you survive the slaughter as a pheasant you must have been fairly lucky.

This year the pheasant appeared with a companion which the wife said was another male only smaller which set me wondering if the larger bird was in fact a survivor from two previous years of carnage who had perhaps hidden in the woods at the back of our garden, I’d like to think so.

During the course of writing this blog my wife has duly produced the meat loaf dish of which I spoke earlier and my what a feast, we all thought the juxtaposition of the meatloaf and the jalapenos together with the cauliflower cheese was indeed a culinary  delight and we all expressed the opinion that it was very nice, we’re not ones for overstatement in our house.





About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work due to losing my agent when I became a full time carer to my mother who had dementia. and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother and shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse. I have written a number of different books all available on Amazon, so don't be shy should you feel the urge to purchase.
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