Encrusted.

Where do we start with encrusted, do we take the pessimistic outlook, imagining all in life has gone wrong, a foolhardy investment has gone pear shaped, causing recourse to some fearfully expensive short term loan and the final ignominy, a dirt encrusted existence living hand to mouth on the streets in a cardboard box.

I often wonder why anybody would consider taking a short term loan, obviously they are useless at mathematics. “Oh dear my car has broken down and I need it fixed, I can’t afford to get a taxi to work until payday, I know, I’ll get one of those payday loans at 1000 or 2000 percent interest.” It seems to me, at those rates of interest the money you would spend would cover the hire of a chauffeur driven limousine until payday. Alternatively you could just borrow someone’s bicycle for a few days and buy him a couple of pints in payment.

Of course, should it all go wrong there is always the possibility that one may seek employment, any sort of employment in an effort to keep the wolf from the door and maintain a modicum of self respect and dignity. Obviously as a pessimist you would only manage to acquire the more lowly paid of work and end up as a Victorian shit shoveller, returning home in the morning from your job as a night soil man encrusted in doo-doo, a proud but rather smelly man.

Obviously, if your life has fallen apart you may seek solace in drink and the company of like minded individuals to share your woes and become inebriated to the point where the ability to walk is only just attainable. On staggering home one absentmindedly walks into the road, to be struck by a passing motor vehicle, only to wake up the next morning encrusted in plaster of paris on the many of your broken extremities.

I don’t consider myself to be a pessimist so shall now put forward a more optimistic scenario, let’s imagine for one moment you have just moved into a new house and are busying yourself digging the garden when, low and behold, what should one see but a solid gold, jewel encrusted artefact from the Roman period.

Great joy when handed in to the appropriate authorities, it seems said artefact is worth a small fortune which will be spent on exceedingly tasteful goods and services and not some tasteless diamond encrusted trainers as some with less class may do.

About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.

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