At first I thought I’d written on the subject, identical but then realised it was in fact similar which I had written previously about and although they are words that are almost the same, they are not identical.

I have two grandchildren who are twins and to all extents and purposes are identical, except they came from two separate eggs which means they are not identical, apparently. Unfortunately, they are so similar, I cannot tell one from the other, although my wife has absolutely no trouble identifying which one is which, this may say more about my lack of deeper involvement with them, than be a comment on my eyesight.

As often happens with brothers and I imagine with all offspring there is a “good” one and a “not so good” one and in the case of my grandchildren this is also the case. There are many modern fashions and habits that I am not greatly in favour of and both of the twins know this,

I very much favour when meeting a chap to extend my hand in the old fashioned manner with a view to clasping the other fellow firmly by his hand and shaking vigorously and not the more modern fashion for engaging in an arm wrestle followed by a man hug, or even worse just slapping each other in the manner known as a high five.

Due to my inability to identify which of the twins are greeting me, I usually extend my hand hoping for the “good” twin who is fairly well educated in the art of manners and gentlemanly conduct and will grap my hand in the proper manner and utter a cheery greeting such as, “what ho, old boy,” and all is well with the world. Unfortunately should it be the other twin, who seems to find pleasure in impersonating his brother, I am at first met with his outstretched hand in the manner of a gentleman but at the last minute he changes tack and slaps me on the hand, which seems to amuse him more than somewhat.

I know they are not identical, but I’m dammed if I can spot the differences, it used to be easy when they were younger and only one of them wore glasses and I’m still not entirely certain that the other fellow actually needs spectacles, I think it’s all part of his cunning ruse.

They won’t be able to hoodwink me in this fashion for ever, as eventually they will develop a little more and start to want to have more of an identity of their own, then all I will have to do is remember which one it is that has the full beard and which has his arm tattooed. Obviously the chap with the tattoo could make my life considerably easier if he were to have his name tattooed on his arm in bright coloured ink, not attractive I know, but from my point of view damnably useful.

About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
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3 Responses to Identical.

  1. Jillianne says:

    I too have non-identical twin grandchildren but I don’t have your problem, one’s a boy and one’s a girl… and usually one is good when the other is bad, they take it in turn.

  2. lol. Oh my. I loved the story. It was amusing to the enth degree. Kids love to pull pranks for as long as they can get away with it. I’m a twin, fraternal with a brother so it wasn’t possible, but I’m sure had we thought of it, we might have. I went to school with identical twins and the only difference was in attitude. They exchanged classes to get better grades and do work they enjoyed, avoiding that which they didn’t. The class could tell but the teachers couldn’t. Who were we to pull the plug, and when someone was ticked off at them, they called them out, which was amusing too.

  3. cunt says:

    Hi, I read your blogs on a regular basis. Your humoristic
    style is awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

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