Faceless.

Faceless

Most of my blogs I try to write in a slightly tongue in cheek, or amusing fashion as I consider myself to be mostly a glass half full type of person, but the choice of word, faceless, has sent me off in a much darker direction, hopefully I shall return to humour by the end of this blog.

Nobody is literally faceless, there are many people who’s face has been so badly damaged by fire, by cancer, or by an animal attack that they are described as faceless, but this is not true, everyone has a face no matter how badly mutilated it may be, it is still their face. Thankfully modern medicine is coming to their aid with plastic surgery so good nowadays that we have come to the point where it is possible to have a complete face transplant.

Is there such a thing as a face so ordinary that it could be described as faceless, the sort of face needed to be a competent international spy, I suppose there must be. Initially I thought the sort of face required to be a spy must be so bland that when MI5 or the KGB have interviews for the post the candidates must be so ordinary and forgettable that photographs must be taken to recognise them should they be called back having got the job.

Obviously there is a place for the faceless spy, the sort of chap who merges into the background barely noticed scurrying about stealing official secrets and meeting his or her contacts at prearranged park benches where the documents are exchanged in a folded copy of The Times.

I imagine there must still be job opportunities for the more femme fatale type of spy, a woman so alluring that after a night of passion any red blooded Military Attache worth his salt would spill the beans on his countries plans for the defence of the realm.

So how do those in counter intelligence set about capturing these spies, obviously the latter is far easier to trace for with a description of, “she had the face of an angel, a figure to die for and legs that went on forever,” one feels this woman may stand out in a crowd somewhat more than the faceless man in the park minding his own business feeding the ducks.

I’m very glad to say I have never been called upon to be a spy for I do not possess many of the attributes required for the job, firstly, I do not have the face of an angel, nor the figure or legs required, coupled with the fact that I am the wrong sex and secondly I have far too much character about my face to be considered any use as the faceless man in the crowd.

Much as the idea of swanning across Europe in a Jaguar XK120, like Michael Caine in the Ipcress File, looks great fun, I have to admit that were it real life, I’m a little squeamish about being captured and having to spend the rest of my rather short life doing hard labour in some freezing desolate Russian gulag in Siberia.

Should by some strange quirk of the algorithms, someone from MI5 be reading this blog and be foolish enough to offer me a job, I have to say, thanks for the offer of gainful employment, but if you don’t mind I’ll give it a miss, thank you.

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About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
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2 Responses to Faceless.

  1. Maggie says:

    I wouldn’t make a good spy either…. you made me laugh… thanks.

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