Yesterday my stomach was churning as I was waiting for the salesman to give me the final figure for my purchase of a new computer, made necessary by my old one playing up and refusing to work properly no matter how much I shouted at it.

I am a simple man, with simple pleasures, mostly enjoying my classic cars, which although old are also simple and therefore rarely go wrong, contrary to popular misconception, I suspect. Generally speaking, if you have a decent battery for the spark plugs and a tank of fuel, should you combine the two in the combustion chamber you’re pretty much in business where the internal combustion engine is concerned. Unlike the purchase of a new computer.

We were lucky when entering the shop to be accosted by nerdiest salesman I’ve met in a long time, which is always useful where the purchase of any item where you are completely devoid of information concerning the product, for a nerd will be able to bore you to gut wrenching boredom explaining the precise ins and outs of every aspect of the machines performance, including reams of information of which you have no understanding of whatsoever.

It is at this point that it is necessary to apply the, “I’m a complete moron where these things are concerned approach,” to enquire of everything, “but why on earth do I need to purchase all this gubbins, as well as the computer?” With any luck during this process the salesman will take pity on you, especially if he is astute enough to notice your reluctance to spend vast sums of money on needless add on thingamebobs and start knocking off the things you don’t need.

Having finally negotiated to a price just short of the turnover of a small third world country one leaves the shop, in the hope that they will uploaded all the vital things you purchased, I look forward to collection on Saturday and being back to normal without too many gut churning moments. In the mean time I have borrowed my wife’s computer where I find some clever dick has turned off the spellchecker, now I don’t want to fiddle about too much trying to put it back on as it’s a similar problem to this where I messed up my computer. I think the purchase of one is more than enough in a week although I’m tempted to try to fix the problem, I have tons of ideas churning about in my head, and surely one of them must do the job.


About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work due to losing my agent when I became a full time carer to my mother who had dementia. and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother and shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse. I have written a number of different books all available on Amazon, so don't be shy should you feel the urge to purchase.
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