When I die I don’t want an enormous elaborate funeral for I am a man of humble tastes, I shall be more than happy with a modest funeral cortege of one hearse and perhaps half a dozen other cars, all Bentley’s of course following and perhaps a few hundred weeping admirers at the graveside, a truly modest affair, I think you’ll agree.
As for my mausoleum, I rather had in mind something of the size of a Maharajas palace with a large dome with gold leaf Bentley wings proudly displayed on top and the interior something subtle like a bejewelled tarts boudoir, for as in life modesty in all things.
Perhaps all this is a tad over the top and I should be considering a slightly more modest affair, although I draw the line at a cardboard coffin, I would aspire to chipboard at the very least, but I’m not too fussy about the quality of the handles.
I’m led to believe that should you elect for a cremation all the handles and paraphernalia are removed before they light the blue touch paper, which rather suggests that funeral directors must use the same handles over and over again, all very ecologically sound, although perhaps you should only be charged for rental of the handles rather than purchase.
I have no wish to elaborate any further on the subject of funerals, as I have to admit I really don’t want an elaborate funeral as I consider it an enormous waste of money, I will be more than happy with a hearse for me, my wife can drive one of my Bentley’s behind, a cheap coffin to burn and later scatter the ashes at Goodwood Motor Racing Circuit, or the back garden if they can’t get permission for Goodwood.
Today has been quite busy, having written my other blog, edited one of my children’s stories, sorted illustrations for another book, assisted our gardener to do an impersonation of a slug, made a small garden feature and planted some flowers, got my hair cut, received and sent emails and a few other sundry things.
Life can be quite elaborate and time consuming but if you tell anyone you’re retired, they always ask, “well, what do you do all day, don’t you get bored!”