I was taking my car to the garage today and my wife was following in her car to give me a lift home, so far so good but it gets worse.
My wife is a very slow and careful driver and in the best tradition of convoy driving as the lead car it was my job to never lose sight of the car behind.
At no time during our journey did we exceed 40mph so as I approached a 30mph limit and had been slowing for some two hundred yards or so, I was extremely surprised to see a Policeman walk into the road and direct me into a side street on my right.
I was even more surprised when he came to the nearside window of my car and informed me I was being nicked for driving at 39mph in a 30mph limit and asked me to drive to the bottom of the road, turn round and park on the other side of the road.
Having turned round and stopped the Policeman came to the drivers side of my car where I opened the window on that side of the car to speak to him, or more to the point to listen.
The first thing he said was to ask why I was not wearing my seat belt, so I informed him I had undone it when he first spoke to me as I leaned forward to check I was pushing the right lever to open the window.
Moving on he requested my details which he put into his phone/device, taking two attempts to get my date of birth correct.
I was then asked if I would object if I had my photograph taken which I did not object to, although I did wonder what on earth they would need my photograph for but I decided no matter how angry you are with a Policeman it’s probably best not to argue unless one wants a knee on the neck.
We moved on to him telephoning someone to do another check which he then requested a check on someone with a completely different christian name than me, so I corrected him, although as it was only a matter of a minute or two since he had put my name into the machine you would have thought he had the concentration to be able to remember it.
I was rather wondering why the checks and wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that I was driving my Bentley Arnage and perhaps he had thought I had stolen it but as I am now 69 years old with grey hair and am exactly the sort of old codger who drives these cars, that didn’t seem to be why.
He blathered on for some time about receiving details in the post and showed me his machine with the read out of 39 mph and I happened to mention that I was amazed that I had been doing that speed, but you can’t argue with a copper.
Some time later when the steam had stopped coming out of my ears and I was reviewing what had happened more rationally I realised that there was in fact not the slightest chance that I had been doing 39 mph.
Putting it simply, at no time during our journey did my wife exceed 40 mph and as I was matching my speed to hers and as I had been slowing for at least two hundred yards from where I was stopped it would be impossible for me to have still been doing 39 mph.
I would have thought the Police should have been wearing hi vis luminous jackets as hiding behind a parked car dressed in black is not what I call playing the game but I suppose it depends on your intention, if you want to slow the traffic then make the Police as visible as possible, if on the other hand you are just trying to raise a lot of revenue from fines then hide in the bushes!
Judging by the incompetence of the Policeman, firstly not noticing when I took off my seat belt in full view of him, then being unable to input my date of birth correctly followed lastly by calling me by a completely different christian name, I would have to suggest that this officer was not competent enough to reset his speed gun properly from the time he used it before me.
At the least I will get a speed awareness course, spending a day with a lot of other angry motorists caught doing a few miles over the limit, or worse a speeding endorsement and the Policeman will be left with my photograph; which if a picture can tell a thousand words, he will be able to read, YOU LYING BASTARD.