I was taking my car to the garage today and my wife was following in her car to give me a lift home, so far so good but it gets worse.

My wife is a very slow and careful driver and in the best tradition of convoy driving as the lead car it was my job to never lose sight of the car behind.


At no time during our journey did we exceed 40mph so as I approached a 30mph limit and had been slowing for some two hundred yards or so, I was extremely surprised to see a Policeman walk into the road and direct me into a side street on my right.

I was even more surprised when he came to the nearside window of my car and informed me I was being nicked for driving at 39mph in a 30mph limit and asked me to drive to the bottom of the road, turn round and park on the other side of the road.

Having turned round and stopped the Policeman came to the drivers side of my car where I opened the window on that side of the car to speak to him, or more to the point to listen.

The first thing he said was to ask why I was not wearing my seat belt, so I informed him I had undone it when he first spoke to me as I leaned forward to check I was pushing the right lever to open the window.

Moving on he requested my details which he put into his phone/device, taking two attempts to get my date of birth correct.

I was then asked if I would object if I had my photograph taken which I did not object to, although I did wonder what on earth they would need my photograph for but I decided no matter how angry you are with a Policeman it’s probably best not to argue unless one wants a knee on the neck.

We moved on to him telephoning someone to do another check which he then requested a check on someone with a completely different christian name than me, so I corrected him, although as it was only a matter of a minute or two since he had put my name into the machine you would have thought he had the concentration to be able to remember it.

I was rather wondering why the checks and wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that I was driving my Bentley Arnage and perhaps he had thought I had stolen it but as I am now 69 years old with grey hair and am exactly the sort of old codger who drives these cars, that didn’t seem to be why.

He blathered on for some time about receiving details in the post and showed me his machine with the read out of 39 mph and I happened to mention that I was amazed that I had been doing that speed, but you can’t argue with a copper.

Some time later when the steam had stopped coming out of my ears and I was reviewing what had happened more rationally I realised that there was in fact not the slightest chance that I had been doing 39 mph.

Putting it simply, at no time during our journey did my wife exceed 40 mph and as I was matching my speed to hers and as I had been slowing for at least two hundred yards from where I was stopped it would be impossible for me to have still been doing 39 mph.

I would have thought the Police should have been wearing hi vis luminous jackets as hiding behind a parked car dressed in black is not what I call playing the game but I suppose it depends on your intention, if you want to slow the traffic then make the Police as visible as possible, if on the other hand you are just trying to raise a lot of revenue from fines then hide in the bushes!

Judging by the incompetence of the Policeman, firstly not noticing when I took off my seat belt in full view of him, then being unable to input my date of birth correctly followed lastly by calling me by a completely different christian name, I would have to suggest that this officer was not competent enough to reset his speed gun properly from the time he used it before me.

At the least I will get a speed awareness course, spending a day with a lot of other angry motorists caught doing a few miles over the limit, or worse a speeding endorsement and the Policeman will be left with my photograph; which if a picture can tell a thousand words, he will be able to read, YOU LYING BASTARD.


About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work due to losing my agent when I became a full time carer to my mother who had dementia. and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother and shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse. I have written a number of different books all available on Amazon, so don't be shy should you feel the urge to purchase. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mr-Joe-Wells/e/B06XKWFQHT/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
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  1. My Home Farm says:

    Wow. Crazy story!

  2. Timothy Price says:

    39 in a 30? That’s petty. We normally have to be doing 11 mph over the speed limit before we get pulled over. However, they usually don’t bother until we are 20 mph or more over the limit. Then they ding us. It maximized the payouts as the fines a quite large for 20 mph + over the speed limit.

    Back about 30 years ago, the crooked coppers in our village used to catch one speeder and then leave the same speed on the radar, pull more drivers over and show them the speed on the radar and give them a ticket no matter how fast they were going. We figured it out when several people showed up in court with tickets for the same speed over the speed limit from the same night. The judge didn’t care, the Village needed money. I don’t know if they can do that now days as I think the radars now have time stamps. Also, most new cars have GPS, so the coppers need to be sure about their readings because people can show exactly how fast they were going on a given date, time and location based on their GPS.

  3. They’ve abolished the 10% leeway in speed limits now I understand.
    Are you sure he was a cop? Good job you didn’t have to pay an on the spot fine.

  4. SueW says:

    You have my sympathy on this. So very wrong.
    The half day speed course isn’t too bad. I did it a couple of years ago.
    Some of the People there were downright idiots.
    As for me I failed to notice I’d entered a 30 zone! Not deliberate speeding, just Carelessness!

    • Whatever happened to the old days when they would stop people and have a quiet word and suggest they kept a better eye on their speed and send them on their way. Especially as I’m certain I was not speeding, that’s what really annoys, if I had been doing the speed he quoted I would have had to say I’m sorry, it’s a fair cop but now all I have is anger and the thought that if I saw a copper on fire now, I wouldn’t pee on them to put them out. It makes you understand why everyone gets their cameras out when Police are arresting people. I used to have the opinion that it was necessary to use force to arrest someone especially those who are resisting arrest. However, I am now inclined to think that if the Police are willing to lie or are too incompetent to reset a speed gun to nick someone then they are fast losing the respect I once had for them. Shame, but that’s modern life for you!

      • SueW says:

        I can understand why you are so angry over this. I sometimes think it’s individuals who are bringing down the decent ones. If he was hiding you might have grounds for appeal.
        I once a overtook a bus at high speed to beat it a to a couple of stops further on so that my passenger could catch it. Just as I was about to set off again a police car pulled in front of me. One of them asked if I knew what speed I was going I said I didn’t because all I was focussed on was getting to bus stop before the bus. Unbelievably, they let me off, told me to watch my speed in future and next time get to the bus stop on time!

  5. Jane Rosebery says:

    I am really upset for you. I am sorry you went through this.

  6. Grrr, how irritating!!

  7. Pingback: A REPLY TO SUEW ON HER COMMENT ABOUT SPEEDING. | The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

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