Some of you may remember a little while ago I wrote a post which contained lists of the most searched words and phrases used on Google which I placed in an effort to see if it might drive more traffic to my blog in an effort to persuade you all to purchase my latest book, The Case of the Grease Monkey’s Uncle.

You may not be surprised to find that it made absolutely no difference and it was suggested by Peter’s pondering that I might try adding more categories and hashtags, adding that sex may be a good topic to attract readers.

Following this advice I then produced another post, in which I managed to place the words sex, dildo and vagina although from recollection I don’t think I used any hashtags which may explain the post not going viral.

One learns all the time and I find myself constantly being dragged into the 20th Century, I recently found out how to do a print screen thingy and have used it a couple of times in my complaints to Facebook concerning my advertising account being shut down and in some ways I hope I can find the willpower to continue my battle as it’s the only time I use “print screen” and with my memory if I don’t use it, I shall certainly lose it!

My wife has a business called De-Rigueur and does the most remarkable treatments to both enhance the beauty of both her male and female clients and in the removal of any unsightly blemishes they may wish removed she recently purchased a new machine at vast expense to help in that regard.

This morning however she had an online “onboarding meeting” with the supplier of said machine to show her their website and all the useful marketing tools which are available for her to use.

You may remember that some time ago I had to do a “speed awareness course” which required the purchase of a camera for my computer as the course was a “zoom” event, personally I preferred the old fashioned way where you all met in a room and re-enacted scenes from the film, “Twelve Angry Men” (or women) all uttering phrases along the lines of, “can you believe it, I was only doing two mph over the limit, this is bloody ridiculous.”

The purchase of the camera was not wasted as this morning I set it up for my wife to have her “onboarding” meeting, which gave me the opportunity to have a brief moan about modern language, as I have travelled by ship and by plane and have boarded both of these vessels but I have never had occasion to “onboard” either of them.

As the meeting progressed I sat with my wife endeavouring to follow what our young teacher was saying, various pieces of advertising were shown and suggested as suitable for inclusion on her Facebook page etc, including a large passage which contained nothing but words preceded by hashtags; well I thought, if it’s good enough for this young fellow, then it will do for me too.

At this point I was going to attempt to be clever and find all the marketing material, especially the page with all the hashtags and insert it to see if I was suddenly inundated with requests for aesthetic treatments from the proudly British Lynton machine coupled with my wife’s years of professional experience.

Unfortunately, my lack of computer whizkiddery left me unable to find the marketing material to upload which will explain why we have to pay someone else vast amounts to upgrade the website and load all the new stuff on it.

Undeterred, I have not given up on the hashtag plan so I suggest it’s probably best if you cease reading from now on as I intend to place some words with hashtags as phase two of my plan for World Domination.

#Buy my book.

#Buy my book, please!

#Best selling author.

#Best selling book.

#The Case of the Grease Monkey’s Uncle.

#Award winning author.

#Top of the best sellers.

#Hay book festival winner.

#That will do for now!

#If I’m not at the top of the best sellers list by next week, I’ll eat my hat.

#And finally a Logo with no link.