This last week the G7 nations have been swanning about in a rather splendid luxury hotel in St Ives in Cornwall and what a lovely place to have a conference.
I believe climate change has been one of the topics discussed and unfortunately I was not asked to participate which is a great shame as I have just realised I have the solution to global warming.
As the owner of eight cars I consider myself to be extremely green as five of them are classic cars which do extremely low annual mileages and my every day cars are likewise, in fact one of them I took off the road during the recent pandemic as it wasn’t being used at all.
Some may ask why do I consider myself green when I have so many cars, well firstly the greatest amount of pollution from any car comes from its manufacture and very little is added during its lifetime, in fact the longer one keeps a car the greener it comes, which makes my 1947 Bentley the greenest car I own.
I imagine the majority of people have just the one car which means they are adding to pollution on a regular basis whereas when I am out in one of my cars I am helping to save the planet by having the other seven at home not polluting at all.
For all those who think electric cars are not polluting, as I said the most pollution comes in the manufacture of the car in the first place, added to which the Lithium for the batteries is a filthy pollutant and the energy needed to install the chargers and then supply electricity to charge the cars does not always come from green sources.
So, to sum up, there is nothing wrong with diesel or petrol cars or massive aeroplanes flying all over the world, the problem is the fact that the world has too many people, if we had a half or two thirds less people that would cut down the manufacture and use of vast numbers of cars and plane journeys, the only problem is how to rid the world of the people.
In the old days we could kill off millions of people just by having a World War but nowadays even with a long protracted war we still only end up with twenty or so fatalities, modern medical treatment saves thousands on the battlefield who once would have died, which means we need a pandemic like the flu outbreak after World War One which did away with some forty million people.
Even with the current world pandemic we shan’t do away with sufficient numbers of the population to make a significant difference, we are basically too clever for our own good, by saving all these people from war and disease we are condemning the rest of the world to a slow lingering death.
I have a solution which may seem a little severe but desperate times call for desperate measures, I’m calling for volunteers to make the ultimate sacrifice, starting with the old and infirm and working downwards until sufficient numbers have gone, I first thought of this solution to world pollution having read a book about the Nazis in World War Two.
Obviously we don’t want to go too far down the age range, I suggest we stop at all those over seventy one.
Can we make a slight adjustment to all those over 73 please? I think it may have been more appropriate to talk about climate change without all the travel to and from the seaside, or the Red Arrows display and a Zoom meeting would have saved all the expense of policing and the military presence.
Quite agree with the zoom meeting, it always seem ludicrous that whenever they have a climate change meeting politicians from all over the world fly in causing vast pollution, mind you it’s not easy riding a bicycle from America. As for 73 I’m fine with that I get a couple of years free for nothing, so I’m more than happy to accept that.