Some time ago when we were in the EU the French fishermen were allowed to come into British waters and fish willy-nilly carting off vast amounts of fish, until we finally had enough of it.

We’ve always had trouble with the French, firstly they were always jealous that we had a bigger Empire, then the cheese eating surrender monkeys put up such a dismal fight against the Nazis that they were overrun in a matter of days and yes, I realise the German troops were drugged up to the nines on methamphetamine but you would have thought they could have put up a better fight than they did.

Of course then we, the plucky Brits had to go and rescue them, saving as we did the entire world and what thanks did we get from the French after the war, nothing that’s what, at least the Norwegians gave us a Christmas tree every year.

Then to make matters worse General Charles De Gaulle the leader of the free French who we sheltered after he fled to Britain during the war had the audacity to refuse us entry into the Common Market.

Unfortunately this sort of behaviour is like a red rag to a bull to us British so we fought for years until they finally capitulated and let us join and what a mistake that was and after years of subsidising virtually all of Europe we had finally had enough and we Brexited, taking our fishing rights with us.

Now le botte was dans l’autre foot, non, non Monsieur Frenchie vous n’avez pas le right to steal our poisson from Le Pas-De-Calais or as it is correctly known the Strait of Dover and yet an act of piracy has taken place, they’ve only gone and impounded one of our fishing fleet.

Some years ago this sort of action would have called for the immediate muster of a couple of gun boats to blockade the French ports, an action that could have led to war but nowadays we prefer the diplomatic approach, however if this should fail we may forced into some sort of cod war.

This being the case, I have this to say to the French, we have had many sea battles with you, the majority of which we have won an example of which is of course The Battle of Trafalgar with our cannon balls bouncing across the surface of the sea, long before Barnes Wallis used the idea, leading to the decimation of the French and Spanish fleet.

We are a proud seafaring nation and are up for a fight, are you?

Come on, if you think you’re hard enough!