A week or so ago I had arranged to have my yearly review with my doctors surgery and on the allotted day I received a telephone call from what sounded like a rather young fellow who I assume must be new as I wasn’t aware there were any young doctors in the practice.

I was pleasantly surprised that he telephoned spot on the arranged time to start my interrogation, although not so pleased as the questioning went on.

“I see you were a smoker.”

“Yes, I used to do 80 full strength Marlboro a day but I am delighted to tell you I gave up in 2001.”

“Do you drink?”

Thinking on my toes I quickly responded, “Yes!” Hoping that by keeping it brief it would avoid further awkward questioning, but no the doctor persisted.

“How much do you drink?”

I’m thinking to myself, “by the gallon, or daily, and finally plumped for; two or three cans of lager a day hoping to fend him off.”

No luck there as he parried with, “you realise that’s too much alcohol.”

He seemed a little precious so I decided not to tell him the full amount of my consumption and came back with, “well it helps me to calm down and relax of an evening time.”

This man was just not giving up and fired a shot across my bow, “I see we were a little worried about your blood pressure last year.”

Blast, I now had to regale the story of my last years blood pressure test which did indeed show a high result.

“Well, Doctor last year you were doing the tests in the surgery and not in the local hospital as usual and I was sent to the wrong surgery which caused me to drive like I was in a Formula 1 race with Lewis Hamilton to the correct one some miles away. When I arrived I noticed the car park was completely full so I had to wait for a space which took some time and led to some stress on my behalf. However, after what seemed like forever an old man emerged from the building and started to walk to his car at a speed that even the laziest three toed sloth could have put to shame and eventually I had my blood pressure taken which unsurprisingly was somewhat raised.”

I vaguely remember we somehow got onto the subject of things that wind me up and I let rip with, “having to do this stupid review every year and wasting my time when you could be dealing with someone who can’t get an appointment who is actually ill, I promise if I’m really ill I will come and see you, we don’t have to go through the farce every year.”

I’m sorry this is a long story but bear with me, there will be a conclusion eventually and I do apologise if this is raising your blood pressure while you wait for the conclusion of my story.

That, as I recollect was virtually the end of the conversation except the Doctor said he would send me a form for a blood test at the local hospital and I was to take my blood pressure twice a day and to fill in a form he would send me on me telephone.

Now, I only tend to use my phone for phone calls, the occasional text or the odd photograph which left me a little flummoxed when the forms arrived from the Doctor and I duly opened them and briefly looked at them and closed them.

The next day I started with taking my blood pressure in the morning and evening and recording the results on paper ready to fill in the form I had received from the Doctor which only left me to follow the link thing he had sent me to arrange the blood test at the local hospital, all seemed to be going swimmingly I thought.

My blood pressure was as usual within the limits for an old codger like myself and much as I hate to do things on my telephone as the screen is small I felt ready to accept the challenge and attempt to complete the form, unfortunately both of the links I had received had mysteriously disappeared which meant a visit to the surgery to try to put matters right.

Upon explaining my predicament to the receptionist who seemed to have a look of contempt on her face, one that might have been mirrored by my good self as I was thinking how much simpler this would all have been had we not had to go through this rigmarole.

Now, I’m not saying I’m hard of hearing but I do find that when people get up from their chair and walk to the back of the room mumbling to me I have a little difficulty hearing, however upon her return I asked her to repeat the conversation which entailed me going online to Swiftqueue and booking a blood test and handing me the form which I should have printed from my phone had I set my phone up to connect with our printer at home.

At last, I felt I was getting somewhere unfortunately when getting home and reading the instructions on the back of the form it seems I should have taken each reading twice together with a note of my pulse so all my efforts up to now had been in vain and I would have to do it all again.

Now, I’m not saying all this has raised my blood pressure but we shall find out later in the week when I complete the process yet again and keep you updated as we go along!