Some of my work was selected for inclusion in ‘The Short of it,’ here is one of them, more will follow!
I’VE SAVED ENOUGH FOR SHADY PALMS
I’ve saved enough to go in Shady Palms, assuming I die at the end of the week. If I reach old age, or get dementia, then I’m surely up shit creek.
I find it hard to understand the system, which pays if it’s your leg that’s broke. You pay though if it’s your head that’s ill, and to me that’s not a joke.
I have no desire to go in Shady Palms, to find I’m fading and walking toward the light. I want to stay home, then one day on waking, find I’ve gone and died in the night.
We are very lucky at the moment, although it may not feel like it as we are baking in temperatures even a camel would find challenging but if you think this is hard wait until we all receive our fuel bills this coming winter.
It seems to me that we could alleviate some of the pain of the price of fuel if we were to abolish the green levy and to stop wasting money on solar panels and wind farms, after all it seems that solar panels do not work in these temperatures we are experiencing at the moment, another of their flaws is their lack of ability to produce any power at night.
Then we also have the wind powered turbines which are unable to work if there is too little wind and also can’t work if there is too much wind, however we also have wave power, generated by the tide although we seem to have remarkably little of it.
This fact is all the more amazing when you consider that the total coastline of all the world is 1.16 million kilometres, an absolutely massive distance in which to place wave powered generators which produce energy regardless of whether the sun is out or whether the wind is blowing and can even do it in the middle of the night.
It seems then that the sea is a very under used resource especially as it’s moving all the time either going in or going out, a source of power that is effectively perpetual motion, now there’s a thought!
It seems like only yesterday but how quickly a year has gone by since we had to say goodbye to our dog Theo who was the most wonderful dog in the world and I loved him to death.
He was the daftest dog sometimes and yet the cleverest, he could tell you he wanted a biscuit or he wanted to go and do a tiddle, or it was time for dinner.
We took him to have his hair cut the day before and he seemed a bit reluctant to go but he usually comes back full of the joys of spring and walks about with his majestic walk as if to say, “look at me, how smart am I?”
This time however he didn’t have his usual spark and was having more trouble than usual walking, his arthritic back leg seemed a little worse and he was having trouble with his front leg.
We knew this time was coming but you hate to have to admit it, he lay on his chair and was very subdued and during the next day he became quieter and started showing signs that he was in pain.
Having phoned the vet and made the appointment we stayed with him talking to him and stroking him until it was time to go.
I thought he would be unable to walk into the vets but when we got there he did his best and walked in with dignity and piddled on the floor by the reception desk, well if you have style it’s always good to announce your arrival with flair.
We were with him all the time and he went very quickly and quietly and I burst into tears, I’m not very good at the stiff upper lip thing.
What a majestic dog he was, he had a good life and a long life amongst people who loved him and you can’t ask for much more than that.
There is a very simple way to stop having hosepipe bans which seems to have been overlooked, quite simply the pay of the Chief Executive should be directly related to the amount of water lost from their leaky pipes.
Given the incentive of more dosh for less leaks together with the forfeit of less dosh should the water still be flooding out I would imagine the leaks would all be fixed within a month or so!
I was reminded just recently by a friend in the Americas that we Brits are in for yet more in the way of a heatwave but was quick to point out that should needs be I will break out my trusty pith helmet and be sure to survive the beastly noon day sun.
When all is said and done we are lucky that at the end of the day, just like in the famous film, Ice Cold in Alex we too can imbibe a refreshing ice cold Carlsberg lager to fortify us and set us up for another day in the baking hot desert, or garden as the case may be!
In what is yet another example of what NOT to wish for with levelling up it seems the London based Arsenal Football club has the most expensive lager sold in its stadium in the Premier league at £7.60 a pint.
Here is the list of prices charged leaving me with not much more to add except to say to Liverpool fans and all the other teams fans who are not in London, if you want levelling up be careful what you wish for. Arsenal charge £7.60 a pint, whilst Liverpool are giving it away at £3.30 a pint.
So if you want to pay £7.60 for a pint of lager keep asking for levelling up, or on the other hand I’d keep quite and enjoy the benefits of ridiculously cheap lager.
As an aside and an example, I went to a Forties Weekend at Woodhall Spa in Lincolnshire and I purchased two pairs of forties style trousers for £45.00 each which down south would have cost about £100 to £120, I think we in the South should be voting for levelling down!
Yesterday, ex Prime Minister Gordon Brown demanded the Government hold an urgent Cobra meeting to discuss the precarious state of the economy and suggested Kier Starmer could take part.
Unfortunately, Kier Starmer is away on holiday at the moment so with no-one suitable to order the curry and Cobra lager I see little chance of this meeting taking place.
I was watching Jeremy Vine on the television who is an ardent cyclist, springing to their defence at every conceivable occasion and this morning was no exception, saying reckless car drivers were far worse than cyclists as they killed more people than cyclists.
I’m afraid as far as I’m concerned, reckless car drivers and reckless cyclists who kill pedestrians should both be prosecuted and sentenced the same, I don’t car if a relative of mine were killed by a reckless car driver, a reckless cyclist, a rampaging elephant or someone careering down the road on a penny farthing with no brakes, at the end of the day, if you’re dead, you’re dead.
Just recently various water authorities have brought in hosepipe bans due to the shortage of water which seemed to make sense until you start to look at the facts.
It seems that 71% of the world is covered with water and the oceans contain 96.5% of all the world’s water, so I have to say, don’t give me this rubbish that we are short of water when in actual fact we are inundated with the stuff, the problem is not the shortage but our inability to use it.
My wife has recently taken up vegetable gardening and I have been roped in to help on a practical basis by building raised beds refurbing the greenhouse and now in the erecting of a much larger building which will be fill with stuff!
The luckily our garden is quite large as parts of it are now looking a little like Day of the Triffids, however I have to say the products of her labours have turned out to be quite impressive, I’m just hoping she doesn’t get the urge to enter giant vegetable competitions.
Here is a photograph of some of the products, apparently the tomatoes are of the beef variety and the melon is red inside so I’m told. They taste quite nice too!
The Diary of a Country Bumpkin 