The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

BEFORE WE START THIS IS AN EDITED VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL POST WHICH WAS SHOWN WITH A DIFFERENT PICTURE AND A DIFFERENT PUNCH LINE.

A new study has found that microscopic particles emitted from brake pads can be more toxic than those from diesel exhaust and even the move to electric vehicles will not stop this pollution as they too have brakes.

Apparently, this is due to the higher concentration of copper in some commonly used pads and I was wondering if we might perhaps return to the previous brake pads which used asbestos, although this too would have harmful effects on people’s lungs when breathed in.

In an effort to appease the woke green lobby, I have taken the brake pads out of my car, at least this way when I slam through the fence into my neighbours swimming pool, I will have done my bit to help protect others from the harmful brake dust and although my futile gesture will certainly end in tears for myself, I feel the sacrifice will have been worth it.

For those of you reading this who think this joke doesn’t quite work, I have to admit I edited it, as my text originally described the car slamming into the back of a lorry, together with a photograph of a badly damaged car under the back of a lorry. I had prefaced the post with a trigger warning, with the caveat THIS IS A JOKE. However, when I posted it on another site, a couple of people who I have to assume hadn’t read the text complained about the picture and I was asked to remove the post which I did. I think the new version rather spoils the joke but this is the world we live in today.

One is often surprised as to the insular nature of some of the population of America who seem to know very little of world events and history and came across yet another example of this when I came upon this question on Quora from what I assume to be an American.

Why are British people trying gaslight me into thinking the United Kingdom invented English when they obviously didn’t? They speak British, Americans speak English.

I was unsure if this was an American’s idea of a joke but felt I should respond just in case this was a genuine quest for knowledge and did so as follows; I have to beg to differ with your statement, for the British speak English that’s why it’s called the English language, whilst there are ever more regional and cultural accents and ways of speaking the language it is still called English, especially by those people in the United Kingdom who are English.

From a modicum of research, I have ascertained that the British first arrived in North America in 1585, when Sir Walter Raleigh established the Roanoke Colony on Roanoke Island, unfortunately the settlement was short-lived and the colonists disappeared mysteriously, although I imagine it wouldn’t be rocket science to work out how they vanished.

In 1606 King James I of England granted a charter to the Virginia Company of London to colonize the American coast anywhere between parallels 34° and 41° north and another charter to the Plymouth Company to settle between 38° and 45° north and in 1607 the Virginia Company crossed the ocean and established Jamestown.

Some years later the Pilgrim Fathers who were a group of English Puritans sailed to North America on the Mayflower in 1620 and established Plymouth Colony, which is now in Massachusetts.

Now, when all these British people landed in America and established colonies, they would have all arrived speaking English and they went on to produce offspring who also spoke English, for they certainly didn’t take up the language of the native American Indians or the predominant language in America today would be Navajo or Cherokee.

Therefore, by a process of deduction we have arrived at the conclusion that the language predominantly spoken in America by 78% of the population is English, albeit with an American accent. The same language as that spoken in the United Kingdom and generally referred to as American English. As for your assumption as to who invented the English language, I think you’ll find the clue is in the name given to it and by historical fact.

I saw the following recently and although I am fairly certain this is a spoof, I thought I would share it just in case some of us older members of society may wish to group together and hide in the woods rather along the lines of the resistance during World War Two. Unfortunately, with this government anything could be true!

This is quite interesting, I had no previous knowledge of his abilities as a pilot.

I do not wish to spend too long on this story as it will do nothing for my blood pressure if I dwell on the subject but suffice to say Royal Navy chiefs have come under fire for dropping plans to name a new attack submarine HMS Agincourt.

The seventh and final Astute-class submarine was to be called HMS Agincourt but it will now be named HMS Achilles, word has it this was done in an effort not to upset the French but one has to wonder when was the last time the French were in the slightest bit worried about upsetting us?

Apparently, this rather splendid Astute-class hunter-killer submarine cost £1.5 billion to build and I would have thought, for that sort of money we could have named the dam thing, Froggy McFrog’s legs if we’d have been so inclined.

Agincourt is recognised as one of England’s greatest military victories against vastly superior numbers of French troops and is well known in Shakespeare’s play Henry V for the ‘once more unto the breach’ speech.

Rear Admiral Chris Parry a retired Royal Naval officer summed up the matter rather succinctly when he said, ‘the decision was a case of craven political correctness and ideology gone mad.’

It may come as no surprise to learn that there is actually a committee, the Royal Navy Ships’ Names and Badging Committee who approves these names and then passes the names to the Navy Board which then presents its selection to the Defence Secretary for sign off, the names are then submitted to the monarch for royal approval and finally they get cold feet and change the name for fear of upsetting a few French people. Where would Government be without a committee or two to interfere with the smooth running of things?

The Royal Navy would not say why the name had been changed to HMS Achilles and Downing Street refused to be drawn on why the name Agincourt had been dropped.

I first saw news of this name change on an AOL news site and decided I would place the comment ‘pathetic’, which I thought summed up the rather woke attitude to the naming of this ship but lo and behold my suggestion was rejected as it might offend, although it wasn’t specified whether those offended would be French or some other nationality.

It seems that a massive iceberg which at 1500 square miles is over twice the size of Greater London and is at 1016 feet as tall as the Shard, has broken off the Filchner-Ronne ice shelf in Antarctica and is heading for the British island of South Georgia.

Apparently, this enormous lump of ice named A23a broke off nearly forty years ago in 1986 and immediately became stuck on the floor of the Weddell Sea, however it freed itself in 2003 and has been roaming the ocean ever since and whilst it is presently in a meander and not heading directly for the island should it follow the current it is potentially on course to collide with South Georgia.

Experts fear A23a could break into segments which should they remain around South Georgia for years could seriously impede access to the feeding grounds for the seals and penguins that breed on the island.

Whilst climate change has been blamed for this and obviously, this would be tragic for the wildlife of the area but one has to think that some people are never happy, for surely there is good to come from this story if you look hard enough.

Looking on the bright side, since 2020 the ice shelves have lost some six trillion tons of ice and are now joined by this massive piece which is larger than Suffolk on the surface and if I’m correct there is another 90% below the water and all of this freezing ice can join the ocean and help to stop the rising sea temperatures. That should keep the climate change wallah’s happy for a while!