I met this sprightly 86 year old Chelsea Pensioner at the Melton Mowbray forties weekend recently where he was appearing in an effort to raise money for the Royal Hospital Chelsea by doing a wing walk at Sywell Aerodrome on 4th July.
Having spoken to him for some time he seemed most astute and in command of his faculties when he mentioned why he was there and his forthcoming wing walk, whereupon I declared that he must need his head examined and rather him than me!
I did promise I would put his details on my page but I was a little busy recently, however you still have plenty of time to donate so please go to his fundraising page and support him.
At the end of March we went to Liverpool in my rather splendid Bentley Arnage which was just mellowing into a beautiful modern day classic car, having spent £24,000 on her in the last four years, she was in perfect condition.
We went to a celebration Art Deco Ball at what was once the Art Deco terminal building for Liverpool airport, which was a most appropriate venue and a fine time was had by all.
Unfortunately, our weekend was somewhat marred when on our homeward journey, this fellow who was driving a Ford Transit van suddenly pulled from the middle lane and stopped right in front of us for no reason.
It seems Ford Transit vans are quite substantially built nowadays, unless he was carrying three or four tons of concrete in the rear! Sadly, my rather lovely Arnage didn’t come off too well from this altercation with the inevitable result that the insurance company wrote it off.
At first I thought we had been involved in a crash for cash accident, where they pull out and stop causing a crash and then some time later claim for considerable whiplash injuries, but no, his explanation was that he had turned off the cruise control and the vehicle just stopped which I have to say sounded most implausible.
Some of you may have wondered why I titled this post ‘two cities’ when there was only mention of one, well fast forward to the week after we had arrived home and my search for another car was looking promising which entailed a flight to the other city of Edinburgh and to cut a long story short I purchased a newer Bentley Arnage R, hence the ‘two Bentley’s’ in the title. I’m hoping for many miles of trouble free motoring in this one.
I took our rather lovely rescue dog Barnie out for a walk today as usual and was verbally accosted excitedly by a man on a bicycle, rather along the lines of a murder mystery case of mistaken identity.
As we were waiting to cross the road to the heath a man rode by on his bicycle and we crossed behind him and once on the heath the dog likes an initial sprint of excitement so off we went, whilst in the background I could hear someone calling for use to stop.
On turning round I was surprised to see the chap on his bicycle riding towards us at some speed and coming to an abrupt halt a few feet away which caused the dog to bark and the man to utter the words, ‘oh, don’t.’
It was then that I realised my dog walking regalia included a T shirt selected at random from the top of the pile which was given to me by our daughter for a Christmas present as a joke and one which I had altered with the aid of a felt tipped pen to display a message more suited to my more petrolhead leanings.
I have to say I felt a little sorry for the man on the bicycle as he obviously thought he was about to meet a kindred spirit, however I have learned my lesson and shall never wear the T shirt in public again, for God forbid numerous residents of Hatfield Heath should make the same error of mistaken identity or I would be drummed out of the Bentley Drivers Club.
The following is part of a discussion from Facebook on the subject of self checkout tills in supermarkets, as you can see the first comment related to the difficulty of the self checkout machine to recognise the coupons and my suggestion in italics as to how to solve the problem.
Following my suggestion as to how to solve the problem, another participant interjected with the comment, ‘how do you know,’ which I can only assume related to my suggestion to use the till where they get things right. I may be getting the wrong end of the stick but I just had to ask, why would anyone question how I knew the manned till was a better option, one would have thought it was self explanatory.
Facebook conversation.
My issue is that the self check never gets the coupons right, and prices often don’t match the sale prices on the aisle. So I have to call an employee over anyway, which is a waste of my time and very frustrating.
You could always use the till where they get these things right!
How do you know.
At my advancing age I have had occasion to visit a supermarket on quite a number of times, generally with my wife and during these visits we take our coupons with us, the validity of which we have checked prior to our arrival at the checkout till where the assistant also checks them and enters them on our bill. The coupons are therefore checked twice before leaving the supermarket and should we wish to be particularly pedantic we can check our till receipt once again when we arrive home. This is just one of the advantages of using the manned checkout tills which some of us find most useful.
I found this article on Facebook, originally from the Bexley Gazette which I think may be invaluable for parents of problem children.
Have you got a surly, over-indulged, thoroughly spoilt bastard teenager that you’ve simply had enough of? Well don’t despair, you may qualify for the brand new ‘little shit disposal scheme’ that will be available for all Bexley residents in the coming weeks.
Here’s how it works:
Simply answer YES to 3 or more of the following questions and you may be eligible for a free removal of the ungrateful little oxygen thief from your life forever!
*Unfortunately the scheme is only available for male teenagers between the age of 13 to 16 initially, but it’s hoped that if successful, it will be available for all little shits in the borough by the summer of 2026
Remember, answer YES to 3 of the following questions to qualify:
Does your teenage son..
1. Own every conceivable luxury afforded to them but still remains a vile little bastard with a personality that makes Liam Gallagher seem almost pleasant?
2. Is his room decked out like a Saudi Princes boudoir, with more tech equipment than the Bang and Olufsen stock room?
3. Did his mountain bike, which inexplicably he insists on riding exclusively on the back wheel like some sort of piss poor circus act, whist weaving in and out of traffic on Bexleyheath broadway, cost more than £800?
4. Does the jumped up little hood rat talk with a ludicrous sort of comedy Jamaican style accent, like he’s been given elocution lessons by Ali G?
5. Does he refer to policemen as ‘Feds’ and females as either ‘hoes’ or ‘dem bitches’ describe himself as a ‘roadman’ or has he ever had imaginary ‘beef’ with a rival gang of similar over privileged kids such as the Sidcup Man-dem?
6. Does he wear a ‘man bag’ diagonally across him, usually made by Nike but quite possibly Gucci, which contains the very latest iPhone model, with unlimited minutes and data but is always strangely unavailable, or out of battery, when you try to get hold of the little rat bag?
7. Was he allowed to play the ultra violent video game Grand theft auto from a tender age and is therefore comfortable with the idea of ‘blazin’ pimps, ‘shankin’ hookers and clubbing ‘dem feds’ with baseball bats?
8. Is his name Alfie, Reece or Kyle?
9. Does he swagger down the street, with his Under Armour track bottoms round his arse, like he’s dragging a club foot, with both his hands inside his pants, as if he’s in downtown Los Angeles rather than outside Pets at Home in Crayford?
10. Did he laugh uncontrollably when you suggested that he should perhaps do a paper round, whilst you continue to reward him £100 per week ‘pocket money’ for doing precisely fuck all?
11. Does his musical tastes lean towards drum n bass, whatever that is?
12. Did he demand a £600 stone island tracksuit for Christmas?
13. Has it been over 18months since you’ve had any sort of meaningful conversation with the monosyllabic cocky little bastard?
14. Does he own over 2 grands worth of trainers?
15. Have you ever considered hiring a hitman?
16: Has he been given his very own attention deficit disorder label at school yet?
Please forward the filled in questionnaire to the ‘little shit disposal scheme’ at the Thamesmead crushing facility and a member of the administration team will be in touch.
If successful the offending over indulged little shit will be picked up free of charge and disposed of in an environmentally friendly way, although some of the staff might help out with a good hiding now and again.
We apologise for not being able to accommodate ginger teenagers at this time but their wiry hair clogs up the filter system on the crusher.
Here are some completely random photographs from our trip to the Art Deco Centenary event in Liverpool last weekend, good fun meeting friends, the weekend only being spoilt by some idiot writing off my rather lovely Bentley Arnage. When I have a moment I will credit the photographer but I have been busy sorting the insurance from the car and we are in the process of getting ready to go to Kelham Hall tomorrow. Busy, busy busy!!
The following is an abridged version of a story I saw on Facebook which I thought had its interesting points.
A motorist who blocked a police speed camera van and then called the officer inside it a ‘jobsworth’ must pay him £150 compensation.
Mr Richard Arnold prevented civilian officer Richard Mackenzie from filming speeding drivers after parking his lorry directly behind the police camera van saying he had to take an important phone call, concerning the health of his new-born grandson who was in hospital.
Mr Mackenzie stepped out of the camera van and told him he was ‘compromising the ability of the camera’ and asked him to move but Mr Arnold ignored this request and unleashed a tirade of abuse at him.
He was caught on camera telling Mr Mackenzie he was a ‘f****** jobsworth’ and called him a ‘p**** and a ‘w*****’ and continued, ‘you’re a f****** jobsworth, I will park here for the next hour and you won’t film anyone.’
It gets better, he then demanded the officer’s collar number, saying: ‘I want to report you for being a f****** p****’ and when Mr Mackenzie responded that he was just trying to do his job, Mr Arnold shouted: ‘And I’m doing mine so go f*** yourself.’
He finished by saying he hoped he went home and found his family dead, which may have been a little on the strong side and presumably only said in the heat of the moment.
Magistrates in Poole, described Mr Arnold’s behaviour as ‘diabolical and appalling’ as they sentenced him for obstructing an accredited person and using threatening or abusive words or behaviour.
As with every situation there are always two ways of looking at things, if the camera van was legally parked, I would assume another vehicle parked in front of it must also be legally parked.
Obviously, it’s unfortunate for Mr Richard Mackenzie an accredited person, who is just trying to nab speeding drivers but one assumes he could have moved his van to another location and hidden it behind a bush as they usually do!
Unfortunately, for Mr Richard Arnold who parked in front of the camera van, his language was a little fruity, even though vast numbers of the passing motorists must have had similar thoughts, it seems you get in trouble when you voice them out loud.
I was surprised with the sentencing as I was unaware of the offence of obstructing an accredited person, although I assume, using threatening or abusive words or behaviour is a proper offence. Either way it cost him £150!
Very soon I am going to have to pay the ridiculously expensive water bill from Affinity Water for £821.43 for the year, bearing in mind, we live in the countryside and are on a septic tank so this bill from Affinity Water is just to supply water and nothing else.
I have to say having done the arithmetic I’m tempted to refuse to pay as it would be cheaper for us to get Mary Magdalene round on a regular basis for a bit of foot washing with some Spikenard and still have change for a freshen up with some Frankincense and Myrrh to finish off.
Even if Mary wasn’t available it would still be cheaper to use bottled water than have a supply from Affinity Water, obviously we couldn’t run to the expense of Aqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani at $60,000 but compared to the cost of water from Affinity Water, I think we could afford Highland Spring.
The older I get I’m beginning to realise I’m not cut out for modern life for I keep casting my mind back to the old days when everything was so much cheaper and wondering why it should be so expensive today? Answers on a postcard to ……
