This is the sorry tale of how not to run a telephone company and one that has caused me enormous stress; indeed, at one point I was close to losing the will to live.

The whole sorry saga started in April, I believe the 11th when we first contacted Vodafone to inform them of a fault on our line, whereupon they asked us to perform various tasks, including the semi dismantling of our box which the router and phone line are plugged into.

vintage call exchange bakelite telephone

After much fuffing about we found that our Broadband was slow and we had no telephone dialling tone whatsoever but as this was in the middle of the Covid 19 crisis, there was no chance of getting anyone to repair it, so we left it, feeling lucky that at least we had the internet working albeit slowly.

We left the box in its semi dismantled state as we had children working from home and didn’t dare touch the box for fear of losing the internet altogether but finally when the Covid situation seemed to be getting better I decided to contact the supplier to try to sort out the faulty telephone line.

I was unable to find a telephone number with which to contact them so had to resort to contact through their messaging service, little did I know how long and arduous this process would be.

Unfortunately, the transcript is far too long to put on this post as it took in total some 2 hours 39 minutes, however if you’re feeling masochistic or want a good laugh, along the lines of Victor Meldrew I can email it to you should you send your email address; I might have had an easier time had I taken on the task of pushing water uphill.

I was rather hoping that at the end of this marathon session, someone would rush round and fix the telephone with some degree of speed but this was not to be; I received two telephone calls from what I assume was the maintenance side of things which bizarrely seemed to ring of each time I tried to answer.

This may have been my fault as my old mobile had chosen to disintegrate and I was not yet used to the new one I had purchased to replace it; however, I phoned them back expecting to book an appointment for someone to come and fix the phone; little did I know that this would entail another 1 hour conversation to manage to persuade them to send someone to fix it.

A day or so later a very pleasant chap from BT (or whoever is responsible for the line) came round and having assessed the problem set about changing the box which the telephone and the router plug into as it was faulty.

One of the problems of getting older is looking back on the golden era when thing used to make sense, when you could phone up to inform your supplier that your telephone was faulty and they would send a man round to repair it. When written down like this, it all seems so obvious, what a shame that it doesn’t seem that obvious to my supplier.

As a small post script, some of you may have noticed I haven’t posted for a few days, this is because I have spent the time uploading my new book which I wrote during the Corvid lockdown to Amazon; when I’m happy that I have it uploaded correctly I shall put up the details so you can all rush out and buy a copy!


About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Joni says:

    Congratulations on finishing your book! I got sidetracked back in May and am stuck at 2/3 way through first draft with no hope of picking it up again soon….

    • You can’t get that far through and not finish it, look at the glow of satisfaction you will have when you upload it and become available for sale. I know how easy it is for life to get in the way of these things, I wish you well to finish the book.

      • Joni says:

        I had 44,000 words done by end of May so I definitely won’t abandon it after putting that much work into it, but am preoccupied with an art show at the moment, (my mothers art, not mine), so it got pushed aside…..and then it’s summer so we have to appreciate the weather while we can!

  2. SueW says:

    I’m so glad you wrote this -Vodafone is the provider of my mobile and I’d had been contemplating moving over to them with my landline.

  3. SueW says:

    Sorry, trigger happy! I hadn’t finished writing the previous and was still in the process of editing/rewording the first line!

    I will stick with BT.

    Following an electrical storm my landline and broadband died. I’d unplugged some equipment but not all. A couple of days later BT sent out an engineer (they’d just restarted house calls). New internal wiring was needed. And because the fault was on my property I should’ve had to pay for this, but the lovely engineer worded his report so that I didn’t need to. Next time there’s a storm I will remember to unplug everything.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.