GORDON BROWN DEMANDS COBRA MEETING.

Yesterday, ex Prime Minister Gordon Brown demanded the Government hold an urgent Cobra meeting to discuss the precarious state of the economy and suggested Kier Starmer could take part.

Unfortunately, Kier Starmer is away on holiday at the moment so with no-one suitable to order the curry and Cobra lager I see little chance of this meeting taking place.

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PROSECUTE CYCLISTS WHO KILL.

I was watching Jeremy Vine on the television who is an ardent cyclist, springing to their defence at every conceivable occasion and this morning was no exception, saying reckless car drivers were far worse than cyclists as they killed more people than cyclists.

I’m afraid as far as I’m concerned, reckless car drivers and reckless cyclists who kill pedestrians should both be prosecuted and sentenced the same, I don’t car if a relative of mine were killed by a reckless car driver, a reckless cyclist, a rampaging elephant or someone careering down the road on a penny farthing with no brakes, at the end of the day, if you’re dead, you’re dead.

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HOSEPIPE BANS.

Just recently various water authorities have brought in hosepipe bans due to the shortage of water which seemed to make sense until you start to look at the facts.

It seems that 71% of the world is covered with water and the oceans contain 96.5% of all the world’s water, so I have to say, don’t give me this rubbish that we are short of water when in actual fact we are inundated with the stuff, the problem is not the shortage but our inability to use it.

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THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS.

My wife has recently taken up vegetable gardening and I have been roped in to help on a practical basis by building raised beds refurbing the greenhouse and now in the erecting of a much larger building which will be fill with stuff!

The luckily our garden is quite large as parts of it are now looking a little like Day of the Triffids, however I have to say the products of her labours have turned out to be quite impressive, I’m just hoping she doesn’t get the urge to enter giant vegetable competitions.

Here is a photograph of some of the products, apparently the tomatoes are of the beef variety and the melon is red inside so I’m told. They taste quite nice too!

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CONSERVATIVE PARTY LEADERSHIP ELECTION.

I have just received my voting forms for the Conservative Leadership Election but have noticed there is no box to vote for Boris Johnson, I suppose this is because if there were a box for Boris he would win the election!

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WELL DONE THE LIONESSES.

I know absolutely nothing about football but I believe congratulations are in order for the plucky English lady footballers as they have won, I think the European Championship by beating the Germans 2-1.

Apparently this was last achieved by the men’s team some 56 years ago in 1966 which from recollection was also our first major defeat of the Germans since 1945.

One has to be so careful as people are so easily offended nowadays, so I was surprised that the ladies team are called the Lionesses and especially surprised they are referred to as ladies as I believe one is not allowed to refer to pregnant women giving birth as women in case this offends any men who may be in the maternity ward also giving birth.

On the subject of men, I understand that the women’s football has become increasingly popular with men, especially since they changed the rules on women’s beach volley ball banning the girls from wearing skimpy bikinis.

Could the upsurge of interest from the male of the species in women’s football have anything to do with the alleged number of lesbians in the team, so now the ladies football fulfils many a mans fantasy, after all it’s football, played by lesbians who when scoring a goal rush to hug and kiss each other and then at the end of the game should they win, they remove their top and run around the pitch in their brassiere.

So, to sum up and to try to explain the sudden upsurge of male viewers, it’s football, played by semi naked lesbians, kissing and fondling each other, I could be wrong of course as I have to admit I know absolutely nothing about football.

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MODERN PETROL IS RUBBISH.

I have a Morris Minor and some time before Covid I had to replace the head gasket which I did with the assistance of my friend Tony Donnelly, quick name check there!

My memory is awful I have to admit, for example I have trouble remembering what I had for breakfast so the timeline in this story my not be as accurate as I would like, however it is not the most important aspect of the tale.

Some time after doing the head gasket the car started puffing out smoke again so I assumed as there was no oil in the radiator it must be the valve stem oil seals which also needed doing but Covid came along and I just put the car in the garage and occasionally started it until eventually it was running so rough and chucking out more smoke that I left it until I had more time.

I was recently at the time when I thought, I must finish the Morris Minor but was a little upset that an MBG GT that I also own had also recently started smoking which made me think I now had another car requiring a new head gasket, however it also prompted me in the direction of a different solution to my problem, one that was both cheaper and a damn sight easier.

My concept of time is also rubbish but I suddenly thought, ‘I wonder how long the petrol has been in the cars?’ With this in mind I rushed to drain the fuel tank and took the opportunity to replace the rubber fuel lines with modern R9 ones which will not fall apart the minute they have contact with the beastly methanol which is in modern petrol.

Blow me down, sure as eggs is eggs, the minute I changed the fuel and started the car it was running as smooth as silk with no smoke emerging from the exhaust, which on the positive side made me quite pleased as it was an easy and cheap fix, however on the negative side it made me hate this modern fuel with Ethanol even more than I did before.

I was so elated with my cheap fix that I thought I would wash the old girl as she had accumulated quite a bit of dust during her Covid hibernation in the garage, all I have to do now is to change the seized brake cylinders for her to be back to her normal self.

Sadly, I still think modern petrol is absolutely awful and look forward to the promised synthetic petrol which is being developed by the F1 industry and which will be the saviour of petrolheads everywhere.

It will also be interesting to see in a few years time when people have finally cottoned on to the fact that electric cars are nowhere as green as they are made out to be and there will be advertisements asking, ‘were you miss sold an electric car, sign up here to apply for your compensation!’

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WOODHALL SPA FORTIES WEEKEND.

Angella and I had a fabulous time at the Woodhall Spa Forties Weekend, what a brilliant event with a wonderful atmosphere. Plus a fly past each day by a Spitfire, Hurricane and a Lancaster, I especially enjoyed the Lancaster which seemed extremely low and the superb sound of four Merlin engines.

Click on the link below for the Lancaster and don’t forget to turn the sound right up to get the real feel of the thing!

https://www.facebook.com/WoodhallSpa40sFestival/videos/1024147171460085

Just a couple more photos from our Woodhall Spa Weekend where we stayed at the Golf Hotel which I think had the best selection of vintage clothing and musical acts where I was lucky to buy two new suits which should do nicely for Goodwood Revival and Riviera Swing later this year. Not only that but Mr Churchill turned up with his entourage and gave a very stirring speech which I’m sure helped the war effort no end!

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FUEL PRICE PROTESTERS BLOCK MOTORWAYS.

Rolling roadblocks were being used by protesters in lorries, vans, cars and tractors to force traffic to slow or stop in the country today as a demonstration against high fuel prices.

Police have arrested a number of those involved for driving too slowly while some roads were blocked using a stinger device to stop protesters with diversions set up elsewhere to try to minimise disruption.

With fuel duty levied at 59.95 per litre and VAT added at 20% on both the product price and the duty we are effectively paying 50% of the price of a litre of petrol in tax.

Now, it seems to me with margins like that the Government has ample room to lower the price of petrol by a very considerable margin and still take as much in tax as they were doing before the war in Ukraine.

My sympathies are very much with the protesters but I have to say this is not the right way to go about protesting about the price of fuel and I have a nasty feeling the Police are not going to take the softly softly approach they did with the climate change protesters, unfortunately driving at such slow speeds on a motorway leaves them open to prosecution for driving offences and as an easy target I fear the Police will be swift to react, let’s hope not

I first started driving in 1968 when I could fill my car up for £2.00, I think the cost of petrol was 6/3d a gallon, now if I want to fill my rather extravagant Bentley Arnage I need over £200.00 and young people think we are exaggerating about ‘the good old days!’

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THE SHORT OF IT.

I was lucky enough to have some of my work published in The Short of It.

If you follow the link you can view them, I hope you enjoy.

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