The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

My this is going to be a very quick post and a very short one mostly as I’m lost for words as to what to say.

Mr Trump has been very busy in his bedroom, gone are the PlayStation and other silly childish games and in their place has emerged a website which appears to have been completed with the aid of a schoolboy friend with learning difficulties.

Spouting the same old rubbish as when he last disappeared from social media about the election being stolen, blah blah blah and other posts about American politicians which I, as a British person have no idea who they are nor what they stand for.

The website also contains a shop which sells tacky Trump memorabilia presumably with a view to raise funds for his comeback tour and his latest book, ” Trump the wilderness years.”

Mr Trump is not the only one who can play this tacky merchandising game as I too have a site selling T shirts and the like although mine are slightly more amusing and not at all tacky and are not to fund a comeback tour as I never made the big time in the first place.

I shall include the website address of both Mr Trump and my own which will give you the option to purchase from either of us.

https://joe-wells-emporium.creator-spring.com/?

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk

France yet again seems to be getting ideas above its station by threatening to cut the electricity to Jersey which is supplied by a cable under the sea from France.

You could understand this action being taken if Jersey had not put a shilling in the meter or failed to pay the bill but as far as I know they are up to date with their payments.

I don’t like having to take this jingoistic attitude but in all fairness the French are asking for it, just because our friendship with the EU has taken a turn for the worst and they are going to have less access to our fishing waters, it seems like the actions of a bad loser if you ask me.

It seems to me it is just a repeat of their actions in World War Two when the German blitzkrieg came storming into France fuelled by soldiers who were high on vast quantities of methamphetamines.

The French apparently had more troops and better tanks than the Germans and yet the Germans still overran them because the French had no communications radio.

The Germans would therefore poke their noses out of a wood with their inferior Panzerkampfwagen series of tanks better known as Panzer tanks and then scurry back into the woods only to be followed by the French in their far superior tanks only to be met by a barrage of massive German anti tank guns.

The French, lacking in decent radio contact were unable to stop the carnage until it was too late leaving them unable to stop the Germans occupation of their country and once again we have a lot of angry sullen Frenchmen blaming someone else for their own incompetence.

Had the French and their cronies in the EU been less beastly to us we wouldn’t have left and they wouldn’t be in the situation where they are threatening to turn the lights off in Jersey over the petty loss of a few fish suppers.

It seems Bill and Melinda Gates are to divorce after 27 years together, the couple stated that they can no longer grow together as a couple which is all rather sad.

The billionaire couple have three children and jointly run the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and are currently worth an estimated $124 Billion.

Apparently this break up is all very amicable at the moment but we all know how these things can go wrong once the lawyers become involved and before long the entire wealth of the couple has been frittered away in bitter legal arguments.

I would imagine this would not be the case as thay are currently worth $124 Billion but they do have two dogs called Oreo and Nilla so as long as one of them keeps both dogs or they can agree amicably to have one each then all should be well.

I wish them, their three children and their dogs well and offer the following advice; try and sort it out amicably amongst yourselves and don’t let the lawyers start any petty arguments over the dogs!

I try to watch the “Stories of the day” segment on Jeremy Vine on television in the morning to help get some ideas for my post of the day although quite a few of the stories are not suitable.

Some of the stories I chose not to write about recently were, aquariums are a sign of a mid life crisis, although I’ve always thought buying an expensive sports car you can barely get into to or a powerful motorcycle when the fastest thing you have mastered before is a bicycle.

Another story was, ostrich eggs help to keep you young, not you might think by eating them with a fine full English breakfast but by smearing the yolk on your face, personally I think I will just try to grow old gracefully, after all no-one wants to look stupid or as if they have egg on their face as the saying goes.

I’m saving the recent Manchester United debacle for a later date, however the item this morning about Covid vaccines did catch my attention.

There was a virologist called Dr Chris Smith who was putting forward the case for vaccinations for young children which seemed to make perfect sense to me, however a young lady on the panel took the alternative view that it wasn’t necessary for the young to be vaccinated as they were less likely to catch Covid.

The professional virologist persisted and repeated his point that the young could catch Covid and pass it on to older more venerable members of society which was the main reason to vaccinate the young but was having no luck persuading the 22 year old Dominic Samuels who is apparently a Politics student at the University of York and a spokesperson for Turning Point UK and someone who I imagine is not an expert on virology.

The young Ms Samuels continued with her argument and seemed to imply that she herself would not be having the vaccine which not only seemed a little foolish but left me wondering why so many young people are willing to argue a point about almost anything even when they know absolutely nothing about the subject.

There is not a day goes by nowadays without me thinking, what a very strange world we live in.

When I was younger we used to call a band, a group although I am old enough to remember when a band or group might have been introduced on the wireless or black and white television as a popular beat combo.

We used to have men dressed in dinner jackets just to read the news on the wireless with correct received pronunciation accents unlike the modern version where all the youngish presenters on television and on the advertisement are all speaking with the awful multicultural London accent.

Us older folk are still writing in long hand on Facebook while the younger generation are posting videos of people falling down stairs and other mishaps with people damaging themselves which it seems is funny and amusing to them.

I was reminded of the difference between the generations when I came across the popular beat combo The Blossoms who are apparently an indie band and who all have shoulder length hair which I thought was rather odd.

When I was young I too had shoulder length hair which I wore as I was making a statement that I didn’t want to have a short back and sides like my grandfather.

How strange that we now find the youth of today wearing shoulder length hair exactly like that of their grandfathers whilst I have become older and am sporting a short back and sides just like that of my grandfathers, my how times change.

Although I feel it is a little lacking in imagination to be wearing the hairstyle of your grandfathers I have to say it is a great improvement on the comb over which became fashionable with the youth some few years ago.

There has recently been a suggestion that the authorities should scrap all the Covid fines they have dished out but I have no idea why?

It seems to me that most, if not all of the fines have been given out for illegal gatherings, raves, parties and other similar get togethers.

I imagine that like me the majority of people have been keeping to the rules and not meeting vast numbers of friends or relatives from other households at weddings and raves and the like.

Last week or perhaps the week before there was a group of Extinction Rebellion ladies who went to town armed with club hammers and pointed chisels and proceeded to smash the windows of a well known bank, not only was this an illegal gathering but it was also an act of criminal damage, which under normal circumstances would have resulted in a criminal conviction.

I may be wrong but I have a feeling that no action was taken against these women, which is a shame as I feel if you feel that strongly about a cause you should be willing to accept the consequences of your actions even if this means you get a criminal record which affects your future job prospects for life.

As for the feckless idiots that join together for a rave or any sort of illegal gathering where you are risking spreading Covid, you deserve all you get and that includes a fine, for it has often been said, “if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”

On television this morning the question, who is the best TV cop was asked and members of the panel put forward various suggestions starting with Dixon of Dock Green and showed a clip which was in colour.

Not a bad choice I thought as I was brought up with Jack Warner playing Sergeant George Dixon as a child, starting when I was so young I was allowed to sneak back down after my brother and I were put to sleep and the programme was in black and white, probably some time in the 1950’s.

My how things have changed from those days when a villain could be apprehended with nothing more than a small wooded stick or truncheon as it was called and the utterance of the phrase “your nicked me lad,” who in response would say, “okay guv, it’s a fair cop.”

In these more modern times we need at least three Police cars, a helicopter and the assistance of a Police dog and even then most of the time the criminals seem to get off with a very light sentence or sometimes are let go with a warning, my how times have changed.

The next suggestion was for Helen Mirren as Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect which was the Line of Duty drama of its day but I have very little recollection of watching it, although I believe I did.

Moving on to the next offering, Luther starring Idris Elba which I have never watched at all so am unable to comment upon, however I believe it was very popular, it probably clashed with Top Gear or some other car programme which might explain why I never watched it.

Something I did watch in the day was Columbo, starring Peter Falk as Lieutenant Columbo who always wore the same slightly grubby raincoat and for car lovers drove an old and even more battered Peugeot 403. Just when you thought the dastardly villain was going to get away with it, Columbo would turn round and utter his catch phrase, “just one more thing,” and ask the vital question that would have the criminal in handcuffs and carted off to the nick in double quick time.

Amazingly the show ran from 1968 to 2003 and Peter Falk had a hand in writing some of the episodes, I think it safe to say, he had his moneys worth from Columbo as a character.

As the panel had been discussing Line of Duty endlessly during the programme some of the characters were put forward but didn’t get onto the blackboard of choice.

Whilst all these actors have put in sterling work with their various characters there is for me only one detective who can lay claim to the title, best TV cop and that is Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle, written by the fabulous author Anthony Horowitz and played so splendidly by Michael Kitchen.

Set in wartime Britain in Hastings, together with his trusty right hand man Detective Sergeant Paul Milner played by Anthony Howell and his driver Samantha Stewart played by Honeysuckle Weeks they make a formidable team and make for extremely enjoyable viewing.

I therefore nominate Christopher Foyle as my choice for best TV cop.

According to Generation Z there are 25 signs to tell you are past it, one of which I imagine is having absolutely no idea what a Generation Z is but the definition is not not on the list which mean I had to look it up on Wikipedia.

Generation Z (or Gen Z for short), colloquially known as zoomers,^[1][2] is the demographic cohort succeeding Millennials and preceding Generation Alpha. Researchers and popular media use the mid-to-late 1990s as starting birth years and the early 2010s as ending birth years. Most members of Generation Z are the children of Generation X,^[3] but some are children of early millennials.

Having read the description from Wikipedia it seems that the oldest could be some thirty one years of age while the youngest could only be eleven years old, which in my day would have put them barely out of short trousers.

As for which generation may have fathered these children I have to admit I couldn’t be bothered to find out, no doubt another sign that I am past it.

The following is the list which you dear reader can score yourself and compare notes with my performance should you wish to.

1. You order a Cappuccino – 52 per cent
2. Your underwear is from M&S – 36 per cent
3. You watch Countryfile for the weather forecast at the end – 30 per cent
4. You ask for ‘milk and two sugars’ in your tea – 30 per cent
5. You still have a DVD collection – 29 per cent
6. You ask for a ‘Rachel Cut’ at the hairdressers – 26 per cent
7. You say ‘funky’ – 26 per cent
8. You still send cheques for people’s birthdays – 24 per cent
9. You call trainers ‘sneakers’ – 22 per cent
10. You make noises when you sit down – 22 per cent
11. You wear comfortable shoes – 22 per cent
12. You do not recognise any Love Island contestants – 21 per cent
13. You struggle to work your TV remote – 20 per cent
14. You plan a second route on a car journey just in case – 19 per cent
15. You become obsessed with bin day – 19 per cent
16. You move from BBC Radio 1 to Radio 2 – 19 per cent
17. You still use a gas BBQ – 18 per cent
18. You turn the music down when you park the car – 15 per cent
19. You have never posted a video to social media – 15 per cent
20. You do not know what a Youtuber is – 15 per cent
21. You use hashtags incorrectly – 13 per cent
22. You are still on Facebook – 13 per cent
23. You worry about not being able to find a parking space – 12 per cent
24. You ask for your steak well done – 12 per cent
25. You add salt to your food before tasting it – 11 per cent

I was a little disappointed to find I had fallen at the first hurdle as I do order Cappuccino whereas it was suggested that younger folk might be ordering something a little more on trend like a matcha latte with oat milk, I shall try one next time I visit a coffee bar, never let it be said that I am not one for trying exciting new ideas for my generation were visiting coffee bars as long ago as the 1950’s.

My under garments I generally buy from Amazon as do I with virtually everything we purchase especially since Covid which as I then have to cut up vast quantities of cardboard boxes for the recycling bin it may have some bearing on my answer to question number 15.

Countryfile, I very rarely watch and should I wish to know the weather forecast I can find it on Her Majesty’s BBC online on my desk top computer, although once again I’m letting the side down by not doing this on my telephone.

Numbers 4 and 5, I have to admit to being guilty of both, I like sugar in my tea and I do have a collection of DVD’s mostly old war films along the lines of “The Cruel Sea” with the rather splendid Jack Hawkins, or “Brief Encounter” written by Noel Coward and starring Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson, also “In which we serve” starring once again Noel Coward, what a talented fellow he was.

Luckily the next three I am not guilty of, as a chap I think a Rachel cut would be most inappropriate although along with quite a few others I did sport shoulder length hair somewhere around the 70’s.

I have no recollection of using the word funky, even when it might have been trendy to use the word and I am more than capable of sending a birthday gift by the magic of internet banking so never send cheques.

Whilst I have never called trainers, sneakers which I believe is an American expression I have to admit to using the word plimsoles to describe trainers when talking to young folk but as it was in jest, I feel it doesn’t count.

Yes, I make noises when I sit down, although I am quite capable of doing so in complete silence which I have to admit has often left me wondering why us older folk do it and I do wear comfortable shoes, who in their right mind would wear uncomfortable shoes, generation Z perhaps?

On the rare occasions that I have had the misfortune to catch a glimpse of Love Island or any of these programmes centred around mindless young people I have to wonder why anyone would watch them, let alone remember their names.

With regard to number 13, I have to say I am fairly competent at using the TV remote control although my selection of what to watch may be a tad limited but as long as it contains cars, the Second World War, motor racing and anything about old stuff I’m reasonably happy.

Why would I plan a second route on a car journey just in case, I have no need for this as I have a perfectly competent satnav which can do the job for me.

Whilst I know what day to put the bins out, I do not obsess about it and I have long ago moved to Radio 4 when listening to the wireless.

We do have a BBQ but it is not gas, I build a raging inferno with old fashioned charcoal and let it die down, then leave the cooking to my wife who is far better than I at it and as for wearing one of those ridiculous aprons which makes you look like you are a semi naked muscle bound man or even worse a scantily clothed French maid, I leave to less intelligent men to sport.

As for number 18 I prefer not to have the music on when I’m driving as the speed I tend to go at requires complete concentration.

I have posted more than one video to social media and I am aware of what a Youtuber is, as it was there that I chose to post mine which must make me almost a Youtuber myself, perhaps!

Hashtags, I have to admit have always left me a little confused but as I use them so infrequently I have no idea if I’m doing it correctly or not and I am on Facebook as I prefer having something to actually read when on social media rather than just clicking “like” on a continuous stream of inane photos of young people posing and pouting but each unto their own.

I never worry about not being able to find a parking space for if I am in one of my better and more expensive cars I am quite capable of turning round and not parking and coming home.

Lastly, my wife has taken to cooking quite a few vegetarian meals which I find quite useful as it is somewhat beneficial for the waste line which allows me to imbibe one or two extra lagers to make up for it but when I do have steak I generally ask for it to be cremated as I quite like my steak very well done although I always taste it first before adding salt.

Well there we are that’s my go and I have only scored 10 ish out of 25 and some of those should really be scored as half marks which on my reckoning makes me some way away from being past it.

Strangely, I celebrated my 70th birthday last week and I’m sure like many people of that age I too was left wondering how the last 50 years had gone by quite so quickly!

How very sad to see the massive death count from Covid in India which I believe currently stands at 200,000 and is still rising.

Obviously with a massive population so closely packed into some of their cities it seems inevitable that these figures will continue to rise.

Whilst not normally a fan of Extinction Rebellion and all these other anti pollution groups I must say, if they wish to go and protest somewhere I suggest they might visit India, it shouldn’t be hard to find as I imagine one could see the smoke from all the thousands of funeral pyres from space.

What seems to be making matters worse is that they seem to be cutting down vast quantities of trees to make these fires, when surely they should be left standing to absorb all the CO2, which is somewhat of a catch twenty two situation.

Perhaps it might be better to adopt the Native American Indian practice of taking one’s deceased relative to the top of a mountain and leaving them for the birds to devour, I think this may be less polluting although I have no idea how much pollution one creates when dragging a body miles to the top of a mountain, I shall leave this to the climate experts to work out.

Jonathan Gibson a twenty four year old student from Glasgow has just become the youngest ever Mastermind Champion by scoring a perfect 11 out of 11 in his specialist subject, Flanders and Swan.

It has been suggested that it was quite strange that a 24 year old should enjoy the music of what might be described as slightly politically incorrect music of a previous generation.

No matter I say and as a member of the previous generation who was brought up with songs by this splendid duo on the wireless, such works as, I’m a gnu, The gas man cometh and the hippopotamus song with lines such as, mud mud glorious mud, nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.

I say hurrah to young master Gibson and hurrah to the wonderful Flanders and Swan and leave you with a link (click on image) to perhaps one of their lesser known songs but as today the EU have ratified the Brexit agreement by a massive majority suggesting they are more keen than originally admitted to sell us vast quantities of BMW’s, Mercedes and other items it seemed appropriate.

A SONG OF PATRIOTIC PREJUDICE BY FLANDERS AND SWAN.