There was a story yesterday about an angry pheasant who is terrorising a neighbourhood by biting and clawing residents, chasing pets and postmen.
Apparently this bird is so vicious that postmen are forced to defend themselves by squirting vinegar spray after high pitched alarms and gun noises failed to do the trick.
Residents have taken to carrying umbrellas with which to defend themselves, whilst one had to use the umbrella to rescue a postman who was trapped against his front door.
Now, I’m an open minded sort of chap so always try to see the other fellows point of view, or in this case the other pheasants point of view, so let’s look at the facts.
Open season for pheasant shooting started on 1st October so already this bird has been living on borrowed time for some two months; two months where he can hardly dare to show his face for fear of being shot at.
Having survived the carnage that has been inflicted on his friends and relatives during the pheasant shooting season and hoping to keep his head down in a quiet residential area, he now finds he is being attacked with vinegar spray, loud scary noises and umbrellas, it’s no wonder the poor sole is angry.
I’m sure that if all the residents were to start treating the bird in a more civilised fashion he would respond accordingly as I have generally found that if you treat someone as a gentleman they tend to act like a gentleman.
I have to say in all fairness going round attacking people (or birds) in the street with umbrellas just isn’t cricket, it is more the actions I expect from a cad or a rather beastly Russian assassin squad.
Please be more pleasant to the pheasant as we don’t want the poor bird to be caught by the shooting party and end up requiring the services of a pheasant plucker or a pheasant plucker’s son.
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About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin
I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work due to losing my agent when I became a full time carer to my mother who had dementia. and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent.
Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work.
I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise.
I spent many years looking after my aged mother and shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013.
My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie.
I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes.
I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage.
My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
I have written a number of different books all available on Amazon, so don't be shy should you feel the urge to purchase. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mr-Joe-Wells/e/B06XKWFQHT/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
The Diary of a Country Bumpkin 
Haa. Stick him in a pie🤣
After all this poor bird has been through surely he deserves his freedom!
Umbrellas – hysterical. Pardon, please: Free the feathers.
They should capture him and send him to a farm or something. The poor bird should retire! Hehe.