There was a story yesterday about an angry pheasant who is terrorising a neighbourhood by biting and clawing residents, chasing pets and postmen.
Apparently this bird is so vicious that postmen are forced to defend themselves by squirting vinegar spray after high pitched alarms and gun noises failed to do the trick.
Residents have taken to carrying umbrellas with which to defend themselves, whilst one had to use the umbrella to rescue a postman who was trapped against his front door.
Now, I’m an open minded sort of chap so always try to see the other fellows point of view, or in this case the other pheasants point of view, so let’s look at the facts.
Open season for pheasant shooting started on 1st October so already this bird has been living on borrowed time for some two months; two months where he can hardly dare to show his face for fear of being shot at.
Having survived the carnage that has been inflicted on his friends and relatives during the pheasant shooting season and hoping to keep his head down in a quiet residential area, he now finds he is being attacked with vinegar spray, loud scary noises and umbrellas, it’s no wonder the poor sole is angry.
I’m sure that if all the residents were to start treating the bird in a more civilised fashion he would respond accordingly as I have generally found that if you treat someone as a gentleman they tend to act like a gentleman.
I have to say in all fairness going round attacking people (or birds) in the street with umbrellas just isn’t cricket, it is more the actions I expect from a cad or a rather beastly Russian assassin squad.
Please be more pleasant to the pheasant as we don’t want the poor bird to be caught by the shooting party and end up requiring the services of a pheasant plucker or a pheasant plucker’s son.