The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

Wonderful to see Prince Phillip celebrating his 99th birthday today, one hopes he remains fit and healthy and manages to get a telegram from the Queen next year.

Due to Corvid 19 sales of cars in the UK have dropped to the same level as 1946 the year after World War Two, when the country was almost bankrupt, which has caused Jaguar to ask the Government for a £1bn loan.

Now call me a sceptical old so and so but I’m wondering why you would give them this money when due to pressure from the Government all the car manufactures are being forced to producing nothing but electric cars by 2035.

There are only 200,000 electric cars in the UK at the moment proving how unpopular they are, the range achieved from a charge is abysmal, the Lithium for the batteries pollutes the planet, they are vastly expensive to buy and as yet no manufacturer has made a profit from selling electric cars.

Perhaps it might be better to invest £1bn in manufacturing a clean fuel for the already successful internal combustion engine, that way Jaguar can continue to make a profit and the Government would get its money back!

I have now realised why we were all so good at staying safe and indoors during the previous period of lock down.

Previously we could only exercise once a day but now I think we can do it as much as we have the stamina for which is good news for keep fit fanatics, unfortunately as all I have been doing is sitting on my bottom trying to finish the book I’m writing it will make little difference to me.

As I understood it before, I could visit my parents but only one at a time although I’m not sure if we had to do it outdoors or if we would be permitted to go inside or chat to one in the garden whilst waving to the other through the window but once again this will make little difference to me unless the Government has found a way to raise the dead.

The rules seem a little unclear as to whether one can have a barbecue although I think we can now gather in groups of six although I have no idea if they have to be all from the same family or whether you have to be part of that family.

Some shops will be permitted to open as long as you social distance when in them which may be a little tricky in some of the smaller local shops one might want to visit, but you can’t go to a pub or restaurant no matter how far you keep apart, although I have heard of pubs doing take away beer.

I have seen on the television vast numbers of people congregating on our beaches, parks and beauty spots, although I have no idea if this is within the guidelines or not.

Apparently football is starting again although the stadiums will have to remain empty, I’m not sure about the rules concerning most football players tendency to spit all the time when playing but as I can’t stand football, once again it will make very little difference to my life.

Do forgive me if I have left out some of the new rules as it all seemed to get lost in the confusion and fog surrounding them, perhaps my attempt to clarify the rules for you has not been quite as useful as I was hoping.

As I said at the beginning of this post I now realise why we were so good at following the rules in the first place and as it is my intention to finish my book before Covid 19 is over I shall continue to observe the rather simple instructions we had at the start.

STAY INDOORS, KEEP SAFE, FINISH BOOK, RUSH OUT LIKE A MAN POSSESSED WHEN THE ALL CLEAR SIREN SOUNDS OR THE CHURCH BELLS RING AGAIN!

I just received an email saying they are changing WordPress on 1st June and it seems

already I am in trouble, I was hoping to just type as I always do but no, as usual with these new ideas they always make it considerably more complicated as you can see from the spacing being all wrong

space, next line!

So as this is a practice, it seems I can have the spacing of the lines so close they are virtually on top of each other

or I can continue down here.

Who in Hell’s name designed this load of nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL, GOD I HATE PROGRESS, IF THAT’S WHAT THIS IS CALLED.

HAVE THE PEOPLE WHO DESIGN THESE THINGS HEARD THE EXPRESSION, IF IT AIN’T BROKE, DON’T

FIX IT, ALTHOUGH IN THIS CASE, I WISH THEY WOULD FIX IT!

On the evening of 16th May 1943 at 21.39 the 617 Squadron of Lancaster bombers left Scampton to head for the Rhur Valley to destroy the Mohne, Eder and Sorpe dams.

The following day 17th May 1943 they returned, 53 of the 133 who left the previous evening were dead.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Apparently there has been a considerable drop off in attendances at A&E since the outbreak of Covid19 and the worry is that there are considerable numbers of people who are sitting at home desperately ill and too frightened to visit hospital.

Personally I’m a little sceptical about that as I can speak personally as a friend of mine had an aortic aneurysm which ruptured leaving him unconscious and effectively bleeding to death and at no time did he show reluctance to enter hospital during this medical emergency, obviously it’s a little hard to show reluctance when you’re unconscious. I’m glad to add that he survived, much against the odds and is now on the road to recovery.

I imagine this would be the case with most of the medical emergencies that have happened since the arrival of Covid 19, for faced with the decision of staying out of hospital and bleeding to death on the pavement or, taking ones chances with Covid 19 I think the decision is not that hard to make.

Perhaps, the answer to the lack of attendances has more to do with the fact that considerable numbers of us are at home doing nothing more dangerous than laying in bed late watching television where the only danger is from inadvertently falling out of bed, a situation which could be alleviated by the judicious placing of some spare pillows.

Once up and about, assuming we have made a hot beverage safely without spilling boiling water all over ourselves, something I imagine the vast majority of the population manage under normal circumstances every morning, almost with their eyes shut.

Then taking the hot beverage into one’s lounge to sit down and read a good book as long as we have taken good heath and safety measures with the hot drink we can read safely all day, as long as we don’t fall asleep and drop the heavy book on our foot we should be relatively safe.

Once upon a time the two most dangerous things in the house were the stairs and tea cosy’s and as I imagine very few people use a tea cosy nowadays we are just left with the dangers of ascending or descending the stairs.

I believe trousers have taken the place of tea cosy’s, as people tend to trip up when putting them on, not a problem for those who have placed pillows at the bedside as they should break your fall before you do any damage.

I would have thought by now most people are aware of the dangers posed by the stairs and take adequate care unless of course alcohol comes into the equation, but under the present situation even that can be eliminated as a considerable portion of the public drink responsibly and would have no problem with the stairs.

This however leaves us with those of us who tend not to drink in moderation, for even with excessive drinking we have the situation covered, if you are too drunk you fall asleep downstairs thereby eliminating the danger, and if you wake up and attempt the stairs you probably give up in a heap at the bottom, even those who might attempt the stairs are fairly safe as it will only be achievable by crawling or by going stair by stair on one’s bottom.

There is obviously a lot more sex going on at the moment which might account for some of the people still attending A&E but even so there can’t be that many who turn up with the story of how they happened to be naked and accidentally slipped and fell on a Coca-Cola bottle or light bulb which somehow entered their anus.

That seems to have just about covered the subject and all I can do now is offer a few words to help you stay safe, DON’T DO ANYTHING. I hope this helps!

Is it me, or are Scottish Power the worst and most unorganised power company in Great Britain?

Every time I get a bill from them it is wrong, so I then send them my own reading which comes up with a figure less than they estimated, then they send me a bill again which is more than the original estimate, which requires me to phone and speak to a human being who eventually manages to sort the problem.

Eventually I finally decided to switch suppliers and was told by U Switch that all was going well and that I should send in a reading on 20th of this month and the final bill would be calculated and the switch would go ahead.

Unfortunately this process was obviously far too simple for Scottish Power who sent me an email saying the switch could not go ahead as we still owed £40.52!

Slightly exasperated and feeling my blood pressure rising I went on line and paid the £40.52 and being the sort of fellow who tends to double check things I contacted Scottish Power to confirm the switch would go ahead as planned.

Due to the current Covid19 situation, all this had to be done on line which always annoys me as it takes days, ( slight exaggeration, it just feels like days)  to do something that can normally be done in a matter of minutes by telephone, however I persevered, whereupon I was told that the U Switch supplier would now have to request the switch again.

I made a cup of tea in a vain attempt to calm myself, as I could feel my blood pressure rising but to no avail as by now I was close to losing the will to live, still undaunted though, I thought I’ll give it one last attempt as having to reapply seemed bloody ridiculous.

On my second attempt with a different person from Scottish Power I was told that once the payment had shown on the account then the switch would be able to take place and I would have to do nothing from my end, now I don’t want to sound too pessimistic but I’m not holding my breath on that one.

I went to see my wife who has a much more laid back attitude to problems than I and regaled the whole story to her and being concerned for my well-being she told me to calm down and do something I enjoy and get back to writing my book, or use the whole experience in a positive way and write the story on my blog.

She was right and having written the story I can now say I feel considerably less stressed and indeed quite cheerful as whilst writing of my experience I suddenly thought of another post, so look out for the next instalment called, The drop off in attendances at A&E, not the most catchy title but it might be amusing, at least to those who are following the thought process.

I have only just caught the news for today but apparently it is International Nurses Day where we are celebrating nurses on this day 12th May 1820 the birth of Florence Nightingale and quite right that we celebrate all the wonderful work that our Nurses are doing in this time of trouble.

However let’s not forget another wonderful nurse Mary Seacole who pre-dates Nightingale as she was born on 23rd November 1805.

Perhaps we could include her in this celebration and give a thought for her on the anniversary of her death on 14th May which will be Thursday of this week.

Someone put this photo on Facebook and there was quite a difference of opinion as to whether this was a good way to travel, personally I thought it looked rather splendid.

Much better than a long haul plane, when you fancy a change from talking with others in the observation car and looking at the wonderful views, you can get up and walk the entire length of the train or go back to your compartment for a little rest before later going for dinner and then a little drinkypoo in the bar before retiring for the night.

It seems very civilised to me, although even better would be the experience of an old fashioned ocean liner, which is the same as the train but with more space, not I hasten to add one of the modern versions which look like Disneyland on Sea.

However there was also the school of thought that travelling in the rather more relaxed and casually dressed modern way was a better option, what do you think?

I often do other things when I have the television on and have recently noticed the Irish Prime Minister appearing whenever I glance up and he always seems to be smiling.

Unable to remember his name I Googled it, as you do and came up with the name Leo Varadkar which is such a shame as I was hoping his name would be O’Reilly, then everyone would call him Smiley O’Reilly.

Sorry about that, I think this Coronavirus lock down is having an effect and I’m getting a little bit stir crazy!